Dead Sexy? Ben Affleck Cozies Up to Rosamund Pike on EW’s Gone Girl Cover

Ben Affleck and Rosamund Pike promote Gone Girl on Entertainment Weekly.

-Entertainment Weekly has the first images from the Gone Girl adaptation and it’s all very weird. Is Amy dead in this version? Did Nick kill her? WHAT’S HAPPENING?

–Jessica Simpson wants you all to know that her fiance Eric Johnson “looks amazing naked!” Feel free to write it on a sticky note to help you remember.

-Uh-oh. Lindsay Lohan is seeking a laptop that contains nude pictures of herself.  (Someone needs to break it to her that there are probably many, many laptops that fit that description.)

-Elle is being criticized for close-cropping Mindy Kaling’s cover instead of showing a full body shot.  Kaling is keeping a sense of humour about the controversy, tweeting, “If anyone wants to see more of my body, go on thirteen dates with me.”

-Meanwhile, last night’s episode of The Mindy Project was pretty damn perfect.

–Anna Kendrick and Joss Whedon shared an adorable Twitter exchange.

-Happy dance! Kathryn Hahn will be back on Parks and Recreation this week.

–Aaron Paul‘s entire Details cover story is worth a read, but if you’re crunched on time, just read the part about the time he did shots with Michael Jackson.

-I don’t want to ruin your year, but Kevin Costner is in pretty much every movie of 2014. He’s the Amy Adams of this year.

-SNL continues to inch towards relevancy by hiring two African-American female writers.

-Sleepy Hollow’s Orlando Jones may be the TV actor who most “gets” Twitter. (The guy even wades into all his show’s various ships.) Here’s his rules for not being a dick on the internet.

–Drake likes to sing Kanye West songs at karaoke. Celebs, they’re just like us!

-The creator of the criminally underwatched Happy Endings (now available on Netflix!) just landed a sitcom pilot on NBC.

–Ashley Benson is sporting a giant rock on her ring finger, leading to speculation that James Franco popped the question. Are they even still together?

-Speaking of engagement speculation, Diane Kruger is also wearing a big new ring.

-I don’t see the need for NBC’s remake of Rosemary’s Baby, but I don’t hate the casting of Zoe Saldana as the lead.

–Emma Thompson gives good award show speech (and not just because she worked in the word “scuppered.”) Meryl Streep’s speech about Emma was also boss.

-Has Lena Dunham landed the cover of next month’s Vogue?

–Vin Diesel posted an 18-minute tribute to Paul Walker on his Facebook page.

-Do Gwyneth Paltrow and Johnny Depp hate each other?

-Meanwhile, Gwyneth added some star power to her kids’ lemonade stand.

-Why do celebrities insist on wearing this terrible Valentino dress?

–Alexander Skarsgard shared a naked (and kinda gross) photo from the South Pole.

-God bless Sophia Bush for dissing Chad Michael Murray.

-A new trailer for Endless Love has landed. Who keeps giving Alex Pettyfer jobs?

Meet Miley Cyrus, Your Twerking Queen

(Photo: Instagram.com/juicyj)

–Miley Cyrus continued her twerking tour when Wiz Khalifa brought her up on stage during Juicy J‘s House of Blues show on Saturday. I feel dirty just watching this video of it.

-I’m guessing Katy Perry and Kristen Stewart‘s friendship has taken a turn now that Katy keeps hanging out with Robert Pattinson. The pair were spotted together at a Bjork concert on Saturday night.

-Sadness: Glee star Jane Lynch and her wife Lara Embry are getting a divorce after three years of marriage.

-Brace yourself to feel really old: Johnny Depp turned 50 today.

-Wait, are Alexander Skarsgard and Ellen Page more than just friends? Is that, um, possible? (Either way, her tweet about their cuddly photo was great.)

–Katie Holmes not only got to have dinner with Gloria Steinem, but the also two had an “intense discussion.” #NoFair

–Ashton Kutcher and Mila Kunis hit the beach — with some royal company.

–Kanye West played three new songs at NYC’s Governors Ball this weekend which you can listen to here.

-Meanwhile, Kanye reportedly filmed an American Psycho-inspired music video with Scott Disick. Ugh.

-In other music video news, Drake time-travels back to 1996 for his “No New Friends” video.

-I’m surprised it took this long for Sarah Jessica Parker to team up with Manolo Blahnik to design a shoe line.

-Holy crap, Avril’s ex Deryck Whibley has not aged well.

-A soldier claims that Prince Harry once saved him from a homophobic attack in Alberta.

-It’s a trailer for the new season of Luther. Yay!

-Congrats to Arrow star Stephen Amell and his new wife, who are expecting their first child.

-Awesomeness: Jake Gyllenhaal dressed as The Dude to honour The Big Lebowski at the Guys Choice Awards.

-The Austin TV Festival happened this weekend and during the Friday Night Lights panel, Connie Britton and Kyle Chandler made a surprise appearance and everyone died from happiness overload.

-The bloopers for season two of Happy Endings are everything.

-Guys, Shia LaBeouf tried to warn us about the NSA spy programs back in 2008 because he knows all!

-Meanwhile, The Wire creator David Simon, who knows a thing or two about phone tapping, wrote a pretty great blog post about the NSA’s use of telephone records.

–Justin Bieber is being sued for allegedly siccing his armed bodyguards on a photographer…again.

-Meanwhile, he Instagrammed a photo of a bra that was tossed on stage at him.

–John Malkovich came to the aid of a guy who was hurt on a Toronto sidewalk. Take that, Ryan Gosling!

–Karl Lagerfeld is the only person in the world who doesn’t worship Audrey Tautou.

–Jessica Simpson is being sued for using a photo of herself posing with a baby at a mall on the cover of OK.

-Awkward! Ciara got served with lawsuit papers in the middle of a show.

–Linda Cardellini got engaged and showed off her new ring in the cutest way possible.

–Alanis Morisette joined Lonely Island on Kimmel to teach the world about semicolons.

-The New York Times just wrote a flattering feature on Kendall Jenner. What world is this?!

–Taylor Swift spent some girl time with Gywneth Paltrow this weekend.

-Even FunnyorDie.com is getting in on the Rob Ford mocking action.

–Lady Gaga actually looked totally normal at her friend’s wedding — which made this the weirdest outfit she’s ever worn.

-In case you missed last night’s Tony Awards, Neil Patrick Harris‘ amazing opening number is worth a watch.

–This Tonys number featuring Broadway actors whose NBC shows were cancelled this season was also great.

-Meanwhile, NPH was not happy that the Daily Mail accused him of dropping the n-word in the middle of the Tonys.

-Music fans: Sigur Ross‘ upcoming album is streaming on CBC.

-The new trailer for True Blood actually looks pretty great. The new trailer for The Newsroom? Not so much.

–Lena Dunham helped a fan get a Girls-themed tattoo.

–Pippa Middleton was photographed getting butt-grabby with her banker beau.

–Henry Cavill and Amy Adams both look amazing on the cover of Interview.

-The more Man of Steel trailers I see, the more I think this movie is going to own the world.

Lindsay Lohan Strikes Plea Deal to Avoid Jail Time

Lindsay Lohan in a scene from Glee. (Fox)

–Lindsay Lohan is up to her ol’ courtroom shenanigans. After missing her flight back to LA this morning, she ended up bumming a ride in a private jet and showing up to her trial 48 minutes late (and in a terrifically horrible outfit). Oh, and she got glitter-bombed on her way into the courtroom ’cause why not?

-In the end, Lohan ended up taking a plea deal which involves fines, 30 days of community labour in NYC, 18 months of therapy, and 90 days in a locked rehab with absolutely no leaving. Good luck with that!

–George Clooney and Stacy Keibler shot down those breakup rumours by going to dinner together in Berlin Saturday night. Dammit! I mean, um, I’m so happy for them.

–Questlove‘s week-long master class on the gospel of Prince is a great read.

–Ryan Seacrest and Julianne Hough (aka: the couple you never really believed anyway) have broken up.

–Lil Wayne says he’s doing “good” (though still in the ICU) after reportedly suffering a seizure from ingesting “high amounts of codeine.” Sizzurp!

–Prince Harry and the awesomely named Cressida Bonas enjoyed a date night in London this weekend.

–Jessie J shaved her head for charity — and totally makes it work!

-I adore this Twitter photo of the cast of The East, including Alexander Skarsgård and Ellen Page, living it up at SXSW.

-Also, a lot of people are assuming Alexander and Ellen are dating. I am not one of them.

–Bradley Cooper was photographed on the set of his new movie with perm rollers in his head. Let’s hope the “Sexiest Man Alive” title can’t be revoked.

-A documentary chronicling Rihanna‘s miserable 777 tour is set to air on Fox.

–New Beyonce! That is all.

-Meanwhile, Connie Britton says her son once confused her with Beyonce. The kid knows his awesome southern belles!

–Lindsey Vonn and Tiger Woods confirmed they’re dating. Just how hard did she hit her head in that crash?

–Miley Cyrus continues to live in denial. She got a (possibly Liam Hemsworth-related) tattoo of two anatomically correct hearts, and insists the only reason she’s not wearing her engagement ring is because it’s getting fixed.

-Even though Barbara Walters has denied it, there’s still talk that Elizabeth Hasselbeck is not long for The View.

–Justin Timberlake and Jimmy Fallon pulled off another history of rap. Maybe that’s why he kept Jessica Biel waiting outside a Broadway show for 20 minutes?

–Kristen Stewart makes a “vocal cameo” in her mom’s new movie, which is just a fancy way of saying it’s her voice on the other end of a phone call in one scene.

–Gwyneth Paltrow must really want to sell her new cookbook; she just opened up about a miscarriage that almost killed her. I wonder if it was around the same time as when Chris Martin attacked a paparazzi who was taking video of them leaving a hospital in 2008?

–Rob Thomas may be busy with the Veronica Mars movie, but he insists that doesn’t mean the Party Down movie is dead.

-Also, Rob says that Max Greenfield (aka New Girl‘s Schmidt) is so onboard with reprising his VM role, he offered to do it for free and fly himself to the shoot. God, I love that guy!

–Anna Kendrick is building a nerd army, one tweet at a time.

–Eva Mendes twists the knife even more by gushing that Ryan Gosling is “adorable” around kids.

-Meanwhile, here’s a new clip of Eva and Ryan in their upcoming movie The Place Beyond the Pines.

–Justin Bieber continues to spiral. He was reportedly kicked out of a fancy hotel in Paris for “bad behaviour” (though his rep says he left because he wanted to).

-I’ve been saying for a while that YouTube’s original programming is starting to pull my focus from TV, and now Hollywood is catching on. Simon Cowell and Reddit are teaming up for a new web series.

-Speaking of TV, Parks and Recreation continues to knock it out of the park (get it?) with their fake websites. Here’s Rent-a-Swag’s site, which is almost as good — but not quite — as TomHaverfoods.com.

-The What Maisie Knew trailer is out. Not only did it get great buzz at TIFF and stars Alexander Skarsgård as a swoon-worthy father-figure, it features a Stars song!

Hey Girl, Ryan Gosling Wants to Watch You Graduate

–Ryan Gosling’s Canadian road trip continues. He and Eva Mendes were spotted at Brock today, where his mother was graduating.

-Sure, she’s only 19 and that seems a little young to be getting married, but Miley Cyrus has really grown up in the past few years and become a mature, thoughtful woman who…oh wait, she just tweeted about how happy she is that “Miley Hemsworth” is trending. Never mind.

-Meanwhile, here’s a closer look at Miley’s ring.

-This photo is supposed to prove that Gisele Bundchen is pregnant. ‘Cause nothing says fetus like a concave stomach?

–Drew Barrymore announced her pregnancy by selling her wedding photos. I guess that beats a Facebook status update.

–Pretty Little Liars’ Lucy Hale is gunning hard for the role of Anastasia in Fifty Shades of Grey.

-We knew this was coming: Charlie Sheen is making eyes at Denise Richards again.

-The Liz & Dick official publicity photos just keep coming. This thing is still just a TV movie, right?

–Aaron Paul continues to make us all swoon by tweeting a pay phone number and asking fans to call him with their Breaking Bad questions.

–Rihanna says it “never occurred” to her that people would raise their eyebrows at her collab with Chris Brown. She probably shouldn’t admit that out loud.

-Oh, John Mayer. Don’t you know this just makes us love Taylor Swift even more?!

-A new episode of Ken Marino’s Bachelor spoof has landed.

-Well, this can only lead to good things: Alexander Skarsgard just landed an endorsement deal with Calvin Klein.

-Let’s hope Nicki Minaj isn’t waiting for an apology from that Hot 97 DJ — because she won’t get one.

–Leonardo DiCaprio and Erin Heatherton were spotted on a bike ride in NYC yesterday. So, is that hat his new thing now?

-Why is Mark-Paul Gosselaar pooing all over Saved By The Bell? Excuse me while I weep softly into my “I’m so scared” t-shirt.

–Joel McHale create a pretty great Prometheus viral video spoof for The Soup.

–Axl Rose is feeling a little less like Mr. T today. He was reportedly robbed of necklaces worth $200k.

-Awesome: Vulture has created Girls paper dolls!

-The trailer for Disney’s Wreck-It Ralph actually looks pretty cute.