Kelly Clarkson Weds — See the Photos

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–Kelly Clarkson got married yesterday and she’s sharing photos from the ceremony — but not in the pages of a glossy. She’s doing it all on social media, which I love.

-Speaking of social shares, Beyonce posted a photo of herself posing topless in a hammock, just in case you forgot for a second that she’s better than you in every possible way.

-Are Heidi Klum and Seal reuniting, or are they just kissing because they’re European?

–Cee Lo Green has been cleared of those sexual assault charges, but will be charged with the felony of giving ecstasy to a 33-year-old woman.

-I didn’t know that Tom Hiddleston is known for his Owen Wilson impression, but now I can’t get enough of it. He also did Samuel L. Jackson as Loki, because apparently he’ll do whatever you ask.

-An old video has surfaced of Britney Spears‘ microphone track isolated during a 2001 concert, and everyone’s shocked — shocked! — at how bad she sounds. I’m only shocked that they turned on her mic at all.

-Cleanse your eargrapes with Taylor Swift’s new single, with is a delightful slice of 80s bubblegum pop. Get ready to secretly sing this in the shower while insisting on Twitter that it’s THE WORST!

-Meanwhile, Taylor was spotted at dinner with costars Alexander Skarsgard and Katie Holmes.

–Mischa Barton says the Beastie Boys gave her her nickname: Baby Dragon. As in ‘chasing the…’?

–Scott Porter posted a photo of a mini–Friday Night Lights reunion yesterday. Full hearts, indeed!

–Morrissey denied he’s gay, instead declaring himself ‘humasexual’ in very Morrissey-ish statement. How cool would it have been if he’d just said, “I am human and I need to be loved, just like everybody else does”?

–Adrian Grenier used Instagram to hit back at Mark Wahlberg’s claims that “greedy” people were holding up the Entourage movie.

–Anne Hathaway resurfaced after a break from public appearances — and she didn’t exactly knock it out of the park.

There’s been a lot of amazing retrospectives posted today on Elliot Smith‘s career, but this one’s my fave. Excuse me, I have to go sob in a corner now…

-Talking about his marriage, Michael Douglas says “Things are great.” Catherine Zeta-Jones remains conspicuously mum.

-NBC has quietly put Parks and Recreation on hiatus for most of the rest of the year. But…but…it’s their highest rated comedy! And how are we supposed to ever find out what these costumes mean now!?

–Colin Farrell turned down an offer of $5 million to release his sex tape.

-Not that I’m ever going to see it anyway, but I really like the idea of Jamie Dornan playing Christian in Fifty Shades of Grey. He was the reason I watched all of The Fall (that, and Gillian Anderson‘s shaky British accent).

-Boy Meets World’s Topanga and Shawn got married this weekend. Sadly, it was not to each other.

–Johnny Depp as a blonde is really not working for me… Maybe it’s for his new role in Mortdecai, which he just started filming with Gwyneth Paltrow.

-Speaking of Depp, his girlfriend Amber Heard reportedly threw a tantrum on set. Man, she just gets better and better, huh?

–LeAnn Rimes is joking about being a homewrecker, ’cause she’s classy like that.

-Ok, Jason Segel. We get it; you can lose weight. Please stop now.

–Billy Bob Thorton claims Angelina Jolie was jealous of his sex scene with Halle Berry in Monster’s Ball.

-I fully endorse this celebrity name pronunciation guide! I had to say Saoirse Ronan‘s name on camera once and it made my brain cry.

–Benedict Cumberbatch is probably out of the Oscar race, thanks to the stinkbomb The Fifth Estate left at the weekend box office. Here he is filming a new movie with Keira Knightley.

-Here’s another new Arcade Fire song, “Afterlife.” Me likey!

–Rihanna was kicked out of a mosque courtyard in Abu Dhabi during a photoshoot. She followed it up by posting a photo from her bathtub, ’cause why not?

-The new Garfunkel and Oates’ video made me laugh. “Sports go sports!”

-Also tickling my funnybone on YouTube today: this Edgar Allan Poe vlog.

-The report originates from Radar Online so take it with a grain of salt, but I love the idea of Anna Wintour aggressively pursuing Lena Dunham for the cover of Vogue.

-Has Idris Elba really signed on for Jurassic World? Say it ain’t so!

-The first trailer for Belle has landed. This was one of my TIFF favourites this year.

Are Mila Kunis and Ashton Kutcher Engaged?

Mila Kunis and Ashton Kutcher in That 70s Show. (Fox)

-There’s lots of chatter about a possible Mila Kunis/Ashton Kutcher engagement. Sigh.

-This seems to be the week of celebrity real estate porn. Now Gisele and Tom Brady are inviting us into their house.

-I apologize for the wonky/light posting schedule for the next week or so — it’s TIFF! My first film is tonight, which will feature the reunion of two actresses and a director who are currently at war with each other. Should be a tense room.

–Terrance Howard is already in town for the festival, and he delighted the crowd in Shangri-La’s lobby last night with an impromptu performance. (I wouldn’t have been delighted. I would have hid behind the nearest security guard, but that’s just me.)

-I’m seriously crushing on Nicole Richie’s hair.

–Britney Spears will perform on Good Morning America. I’m going to DVR the hell out of that.

-I actually really dig Scarlett Johansson’s engagement ring.

-Jeff Daniels spilled the beans about The Newsroom’s fate on Twitter yesterday, and HBO has since responded.

–Sarah Silverman‘s 19-year-old dog Doug died this week, and her post about it is a heart-shredder.

-There was talk that Zoe Saldana may be secretly engaged. Now there’s talk that she may be secretly married.

-19-year-old Dakota Fanning is dating a 32-year-old male model, which must not creep his friends out at all.

–Lamar Odom has reportedly checked into rehab for drug and alcohol abuse.

–Matt Bomer is pretending to be not totally freaked out by the fan petition to have him replace Charlie Huffman in Fifty Shades of Grey.

-Here’s the promo for the upcoming season of Grey’s Anatomy, for the three of you out there still watching.

–Kate Winslet and her belly bump were spotted on the way to TIFF.

-Everyone’s trying to figure out what will happen in the final four episodes of Breaking Bad based on their titles, which is adorable.

-The Emmys continue to sound like they’ll be a good time this year. Just announced presenting duos include Tina Fey & Amy Poehler and Zooey & Emily Deschanel.

-Speaking of Amy, the new Parks and Recreation bloopers slay me.

-A new Gravity trailer has landed. Someone on Twitter called it “shart-inducing,” which pretty much captures it.

Jennifer Aniston Goes Glam for Glamour

–Jennifer Aniston covers the new Glamour, where she reveals that she really, really likes tank tops. Like, really.

-Woah. Simon Cowell has knocked up his best friend’s wife. Well, former best friend.

–Nigella Lawson and Charles Saatchi were granted a preliminary divorce after a hearing that lasted all of 70 seconds.

-Full House star Jodie Sweetin is denying reports that she’s back in rehab.

-I keep thinking that I want to go blondish, which is ridic because I can barely drag myself to the hairdresser for upkeep every few months as it is. But Gabrielle Union is making me want to soo bad!!

–Rihanna has won a victory in a legal battle against Topshop.

–DMX filed for bankruptcy…so he could go to Europe.

-Remember Emily Nussbaum’s defense of Sex and the City from a few weeks ago? Chris Noth thinks she’s spot on.

-Now that Breaking Bad is wrapping up, studios are in hot pursuit of Vince Gilligan – deservedly so.

–Neil Patrick Harris said on Conan last night that he doesn’t mind if you touch his butt. Something tells me he’s soon going to regret saying that.

-Meanwhile, NPH is a big fan of Nick Jonas‘ sexy selfies.

–Paul Haggis, who knows a thing or two about leaving Scientology, is jumping to Leah Remini’s defense.

-Uh oh. Madonna is eyeing a new movie.

-Aw nuts! Rob Lowe and Rashida Jones are both leaving Parks And Recreation. My heart is LITERALLY breaking.

-This might be the happiest Joaquin Phoenix has ever looked ever.

–David Conrad (who I’ve loved ever since Relativity), has just signed on to Joss Whedon’s new show, Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D.

–Bryan Cranston talked about walking around Comic Con wearing a Bryan Cranston mask on Letterman last night.

–Christian Bale, Amy Adams and Jennifer Lawrence lay on the sleaze in the new trailer for David O. Russell‘s American Hustle. Is Bale doing Ryan Gosling at 1:40?

Diane Lane and Josh Brolin Are Getting Divorced

–Diane Lane and Josh Brolin‘s (sometimes volatile) eight-year marriage is over, which may explain a lot of blind items that have been floating around lately (not to mention those whispers about the nature of their relationship that have been circulating for a while.)

–Prince Harry and his girlfriend Cressida Bona were photographed enjoying a ski vacation. He certainly has a type, no?

-Speaking of romantic vacations, Rihanna celebrated her 25th birthday with Chris Brown in Hawaii.

-Meanwhile, do you want to see a topless Rihanna and Kate Moss draped over each other? Of course you do.

–Mila Kunis is reportedly moving into Ashton Kutcher’s Hollywood Hills mansion, making it even harder to pass off their entire relationship as a fever dream. I’m gonna keep trying, though!

-Those “creative differences” that caused Shia LaBeouf to drop out of a Broadway play ended up being based on a beef (a LaBeouf?) with Alec Baldwin. Yesterday, Shia publicly released transcripts of his e-mail apologies to Baldwin and Tom Sturridge, which is a douchey move. Even more douchey? His apology emails were actually lifted straight from Esquire. The only silver lining in this entire story is that it gives us a glimpse into Alec Baldwin‘s email etiquette, which is righteously awesome. “I don’t have an unkind word to say about you. You have my word.” It’s like it was written by Jack Donaghy himself!

-Meanwhile, Ben Foster will replace Shia in the play.

–Will Arnett is the latest star to jump ship on Up All Night. He’s already accepted a role in an untitled comedy pilot for CBS.

-Speaking of NBC shows that aren’t coming back, Smash’s Jack Davenport has signed on for a new gig.

-The upside of NBC’s total ratings freefall? Shows are usually on the bubble this time of year like Parks and Recreation and Parenthood are pretty much a lock for renewal because the network has nothing else. But Parks creator Mike Schur says he didn’t know that when they wrote tonight’s wedding episode, which is why it feels like a series ender. (If you haven’t seen it yet, don’t watch both of tonight’s new eps back-to-back. The first 1/2 hour is perfect and should stand alone. Save ep 2 — directed by Ron ‘Effing Swanson! — for the upcoming stretch of repeats.)

–Kelly Osbourne might be a bit wobbly on the red carpet Sunday night. She sprained her ankle trying to avoid falling into a public toilet, which is as good excuse as any.

-Speaking of the Oscars, the MSN crew let me crash their Oscar prediction podcast. Listen to it here.

-In a new twist, this year’s Oscars will not conclude with the Best Picture announcement. Instead, we’re getting a closing musical number.

-How does it feel when your ex is nominated for an Oscar? The ex-girlfriend of a producer on Beasts of the Southern Wild wants to tell you all about it.

-Meanwhile, in a last-minute attempt to sway Oscar voters, Hugh Jackman dressed as Lincoln on Letterman last night.

-A judge shut down Jason Patric‘s bid for custody of his son, which is not that interesting. What is interesting is how that son came to be: When Jason broke up with his girlfriend he told her he wouldn’t give her any money but would give her his sperm for artificial insemination.

–The Americans just got renewed for a second season.

–Taylor Swift had a grand ol’ time at the Brits after party, dancing with Frank Ocean and Carey Mulligan.

–Demi Lovato and Wilmer Valderrama spent Valentine’s Day together. Is that still happening?!

-I’m glad I’m not the only one who thinks Justin Timberlake is sleepwalking through his comeback performances.

-I love this career retrospective with Linda Cardellini, in which she reflects on Freaks & Geeks, ER and more.

–Nick Cave will do a Twitter Q&A with fans, but don’t expect him to like it.

-Congrats to Wiz Khalifa and Amber Rose, who just welcomed a baby boy named Sebastian “The Bash” Taylor Thomaz.

-Last week’s haunted house episode had glimmers of hope so I don’t think Community’s season 4 has become “unbearably sad” just yet, but apparently the next two eps are pretty abysmal.

–Seth Rogen guest-stars on The Mindy Project next week. Here’s a clip.

Amanda Bynes Kicked Out of Gym Class for Odd Behavior

Amanda Bynes in She’s the Man. (Paramount)

–Amanda Bynes told People that she’s doing “amazing” but that didn’t stop her from getting kicked out of her gym for “weird” behaviour. And judging by the fuggirls’ tweets, getting tossed out of that particular gym takes some real talent!

–Blake Lively is eating more than usual on the Gossip Girl set, so everyone’s wondering if she’s knocked up. Because there’s no way she could just be eating a lot because she’s happy and likes food. (Her rep has already shot down the rumours, btw.)

-Meanwhile, Blake‘s Allure cover looks a bit dated, no? I love this analysis of the cover line, though.

–Amy Poehler looked GREAT on Leno last night. I’m really liking the longer hair.

-Speaking of Amy, here’s a great interview about Parks and Rec‘s new season (which premieres tonight — woot!)

–Up All Night also returns tonight, starring Will Arnett’s new abs! Seriously, when did those happen?

–Paris Hilton was caught on tape saying that gay guys are “disgusting” and that “most of them probably have AIDS.” But her rep’s reaction to the comments is just as horrible.

-Watching DMX experience Google for the first time is something to behold.

–Lindsay Lohan claims she wasn’t drunk when she clipped that pedestrian. Also, Slash is blaming the paparazzi for Lindsay‘s accident, which is weird because there were no paps there. It’s also weird because, you know…Slash!

-I really think these photos everyone’s freaking out about showing Lady Gaga’s weight gain have more to do with bad angles than actual pounds, especially since she looked great just a few days ago. And even if she did gain a few, I’m with Jezebel on this one — everyone needs to knock it off.

– Meanwhile, click here if you want to hear her rapping.

–Russell Brand was spotted sucking face with someone who isn’t Geri Halliwell. What?! Why??

–Dax Shepard says he gave up Jack Daniels and coke to be with Kristen Bell. In return, he got first dibs on all the gossip about the Upper East Side.

–John Travolta‘s hair is out of control. More so than usual.

-If you want Kelsey Grammer to sit through an entire interview without bolting, try not to show any pictures of his ex.

–Katie Holmes looks great on the cover of Russia’s Harper’s Bazaar. Not sure about the prom hair in some of the photos, though.

-This Vulture interview with Jared Leto brings up the same kind of feelings I had when I saw him at TIFF. I’ve heard enough stories (and have had enough Coachella encounters with him) to know he can be insufferable, but…there’s still some charm there, you know? Maybe it’s just residual Jordan Catalano love. The fans at the screening, by the way, were HILARIOUS! I got stink-eyed for being the only one in my section who didn’t get up for the standing O. (It was good, but really?!) And during the Q&A when Jared said he was going to take the film back to LA and edit it/tighten it up a bit and I muttered “yeah, good plan,” I seriously didn’t think I was going to make it out of there alive.

-Just in case you’re looking for an excuse to hate the universe, here’s a photo of Lindsay Lohan and Charlie Sheen in bed together.

-A new trailer for The Hobbit has landed. Is it weird I have zero interest in this?

-Speaking of trailers, here’s the first for Beautiful Creatures, the latest film to be based on a YA series about supernatural teens. At least the cast has some pedigree (Jeremy Irons, Emma Thompson, Emmy Rossum).

-Fun! Will Forte officiated the wedding of the Black Keys drummer.

–Claire Danes looked very cute while talking about impending motherhood on Anderson Cooper‘s show.

–Jennifer Aniston has reportedly banned her mom from her upcoming wedding to Justin Theroux.

-I love that Andy Samberg‘s first post-SNL gig is a British sitcom. Check out the first clip from Cuckoo.

-The “church” of Scientology has responded to Vanity Fair‘s cover story in the form of a snarky letter.

–Maya Rudolph is joining The Roots to perform Prince songs. Judging by her version of “Nikki Darling” in this video, it’ll be worth the ticket price.

–Fiona Apple was arrested after attempting to cross the border with hash on her tour bus.

-It’s a Pretty in Pink reunion!

-Speaking of reunions, there’s just something so comforting about seeing the cast of The West Wing together again and doing walk-and-talks.

–Sofia Vergara was already shilling for Pepsi way back in 1990.

-I don’t watch The X Factor, but this little kid might change my mind.

–Neil Patrick Harris is the latest How I Met Your Mother star to hint that this season will be its last.

-Wow. This new behind-the-scenes video from the set of Les Miserables gave me actual goosebumps. Tom Hopper just out-Spielberg’d Spielberg’s Lincoln.

Mariah Carey Confirms American Idol Gig

-Diva swap: Mariah Carey has confirmed rumours that she’ll take over Jennifer Lopez‘s spot on Idol‘s judges table. Sweet! We all know how well she handles live TV.

-In a new interview with BlackBook, Robert Pattinson shoots down those engagement rumours while trying to look cool in a bowling shirt. He only pulls off one of those.

-Speaking of shooting down rumours, Miranda Kerr‘s rep is denying reports she’s divorcing Orlando Bloom.

-This “Suri’s Burn Book” Tumblr pretty much made my entire week — and it’s only Monday!

–Kim Kardashian is making fun of Paris Hilton’s sex tape? That’s like Mel Gibson making fun of Charlie Sheen‘s temper.

-Sorry to dash the hopes of anyone out there who was clinging to the belief that the Ashton Kutcher/Mila Kunis romance reports were false (yes, I’m including myself in that group), but this kissy photo all but confirms it.

–Lady Gaga and Tyler Kinney have graduated to the ‘meet the parents‘ phase.

-Sorry, Nick. David Walton (starring of the criminally underseen Bent and husband to Roswell‘s Maria) just signed on to play Jess’ new love interest on The New Girl.

-Sweet! Listen to a preview of five songs from The Dears‘ upcoming live album.

-Welcome to the world of intense media scrutiny, Prince Harry‘s new girl!

–A sex tape purported to feature a pre-legal Minka Kelly is allegedly being shopped around.

–Anne Hathaway‘s creepy ex-boyfriend is now sharing private photos of her. Classy.

-All the split publicity has done wonders for Katie Holmes’ fashion line. Imagine that.

-When Jennifer Lopez wears something bland and normal, it freaks me out more than seeing Lady Gaga in a meat dress ever will.

-This preview of Parks and Recreation‘s new season has me worried for Leslie and Ben.

-Here’s the trailer for a new breakdancing movie called Battle of the Year. All you need to know is that it features Lost‘s Sawyer wearing the crap out of a hoodie, which almost makes up for the fact that it also stars Chris Brown.